Today I weep, I pray, that You would see my heart........
It would be all for nothing, if it wasn't for You.
All these months, I question my heart, and You know I do.
You know the reason why I refuse to play for you in worship, You will know the reason why.....
All is for Your glory God.
Please understand my heart.
Friday, December 10, 2010
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Worship
Every time, when we walk through the church door and go to our seats, what are we expecting out of the service? Are you fulfilling the obligations of being a christian, socializing, passing time or giving God His moment?
It is sometimes difficult to get into the spirit of Worship, and I do understand it through experience. But, reminiscing the time I was in Thailand, and perhaps Sibu, something hit me. The hunger for God was at a total different level, the experience of seeing them cry out to God, with strong faith that it would make a difference, breaks my heart.
In Thailand, I remembered an experience where a Pastor was seriously facing problem in paying the fees for his church construction after feeling lead to start up one. He was in great distress. One of the days we were there, Pastor Somsak's wife spoke up to the congregation about his problem, yet didn't voice anything about the sum of money he needed. Through God's voice speaking to the people's heart, the offering collected was enough to cover all the expenses. They were poor people, and I mean really poor, farmers mostly, yet they made it, because it was God's plan, it was His will.
When worship sessions were conducted in the different places I went, it was obvious that the language used was different, yet that made a strong stir in my heart. For like we sing it, one day every knee will bow, every tongue will confess, that You are God, I felt that happening just in front of me. Worshiping in other language to the same God, the feeling you get from it is just indescribable.
At those moments, I felt sorry for that even though I understood all that I sing during worship sessions in church, I sometimes barely practice what I sang.
Worship is not about the words, it's about you, and God, and the good time praising Him with a thankful heart. Doing it without the words, without the understanding of what you're singing could often take us to a higher comprehension of what worship is about.
Praise You Lord, for every worship song that exists throughout the nations, it might sound different, yet, it's the same You, and that's great. One day all knees will bow, all tongues will confess, that You're God. May it be according to what You will. Amen
It is sometimes difficult to get into the spirit of Worship, and I do understand it through experience. But, reminiscing the time I was in Thailand, and perhaps Sibu, something hit me. The hunger for God was at a total different level, the experience of seeing them cry out to God, with strong faith that it would make a difference, breaks my heart.
In Thailand, I remembered an experience where a Pastor was seriously facing problem in paying the fees for his church construction after feeling lead to start up one. He was in great distress. One of the days we were there, Pastor Somsak's wife spoke up to the congregation about his problem, yet didn't voice anything about the sum of money he needed. Through God's voice speaking to the people's heart, the offering collected was enough to cover all the expenses. They were poor people, and I mean really poor, farmers mostly, yet they made it, because it was God's plan, it was His will.
When worship sessions were conducted in the different places I went, it was obvious that the language used was different, yet that made a strong stir in my heart. For like we sing it, one day every knee will bow, every tongue will confess, that You are God, I felt that happening just in front of me. Worshiping in other language to the same God, the feeling you get from it is just indescribable.
At those moments, I felt sorry for that even though I understood all that I sing during worship sessions in church, I sometimes barely practice what I sang.
Worship is not about the words, it's about you, and God, and the good time praising Him with a thankful heart. Doing it without the words, without the understanding of what you're singing could often take us to a higher comprehension of what worship is about.
Praise You Lord, for every worship song that exists throughout the nations, it might sound different, yet, it's the same You, and that's great. One day all knees will bow, all tongues will confess, that You're God. May it be according to what You will. Amen
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Saturday, October 16, 2010
手足
手足只的两个字，所以只有两个知
手足只的两个字，感觉点，只有你会知
Haha, have I found that person yet?
To me, it's an accomplishment in life to have one. 10 Things I wanna do before I die? Find one.
手足只的两个字，感觉点，只有你会知
Haha, have I found that person yet?
To me, it's an accomplishment in life to have one. 10 Things I wanna do before I die? Find one.
Friday, October 15, 2010
A Cry
While watching movies, I often shed a few drops of tears here and there. The main reason for which I cry in people achieving something great, is the fact that I understood the hardship they went through in order to gain that short instantaneous moment of joy. I myself was once a nobody, criticized, despised, even hated. And all the hardship I went through that brought me to where I stand today, all the acknowledgment I receive, I praise God, and I feel contentment in it.
On the other hand, I also cry when I encounter scenes of which people confessing their love wholeheartedly with indescribably wonderful words. I've longed to hear those words, and feel that love. I know Your love God, but I wanna feel it, like all the time, in every moment of my life. Sent forth Your angels to brighten my days with loving words. As a little word makes a whole lot of difference to me, I give praise to You for everyone in my life who had given me even the slightest feeling of care through their lovely words., blessed be them who speaks of good.
On the other hand, I also cry when I encounter scenes of which people confessing their love wholeheartedly with indescribably wonderful words. I've longed to hear those words, and feel that love. I know Your love God, but I wanna feel it, like all the time, in every moment of my life. Sent forth Your angels to brighten my days with loving words. As a little word makes a whole lot of difference to me, I give praise to You for everyone in my life who had given me even the slightest feeling of care through their lovely words., blessed be them who speaks of good.
Friday, October 8, 2010
Losing
Things I've been through recently just tore me in pieces.
Going through all these yet having to put up a smile is just too devastating to be true.
Losing - one of my greatest fears i relationship just came again like a lightning storm, sudden and unwarned.
True enough, the greatest thing on earth is love, yet the same time, the most frustrating thing ever, for there is never certainty.
Handling relationships is simply like baking, no one can be certain of what turns out, and the process is often messy.
Middle men are simply idiots, cause they always get squished like sandwiches.
All I want LORD, is peace LORD. The difficulties, I surrender it into Your Arms. My worldly wisdom and capabilities are just not fit for these things I face LORD, and I need You LORD. Anxiety is pain LORD, anxiety is tragic. All that turns out, I give praise LORD. Just lead me to the Cross. Amen
Going through all these yet having to put up a smile is just too devastating to be true.
Losing - one of my greatest fears i relationship just came again like a lightning storm, sudden and unwarned.
True enough, the greatest thing on earth is love, yet the same time, the most frustrating thing ever, for there is never certainty.
Handling relationships is simply like baking, no one can be certain of what turns out, and the process is often messy.
Middle men are simply idiots, cause they always get squished like sandwiches.
All I want LORD, is peace LORD. The difficulties, I surrender it into Your Arms. My worldly wisdom and capabilities are just not fit for these things I face LORD, and I need You LORD. Anxiety is pain LORD, anxiety is tragic. All that turns out, I give praise LORD. Just lead me to the Cross. Amen
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Nostalgia
Thinking back of my high school days, I really don't remember doing anything in school that was out of boundaries. Besides the occasional sleep in class, and being late all the time, I guess I was a pretty decent and attentive student.
With all that academic activities I have, I had practically no time for fun stuff. All the recesses I remember spending them either in the music room practicing, or either at the veranda or library training for public elocution. It was pretty hard to find time to do unproductive stuff like talk with my friends, getting to know them better in a sense. When I am back to class, sometimes I was just too tired, and slept, and other times, simply had to pay attention to the lessons to catch up.
Recalling my last relationship was sad, I was pretty much a jerk back then I guess, I didn't know how to treat her right, and the fact that I knew she cried a lot just made me felt worst. Pretty sorry for everything I've done, and, I wish you all the best for the future.
Please bless her LORD, and her family, that they would have peace and joy and love and strength for each new day. Amen.
With all that academic activities I have, I had practically no time for fun stuff. All the recesses I remember spending them either in the music room practicing, or either at the veranda or library training for public elocution. It was pretty hard to find time to do unproductive stuff like talk with my friends, getting to know them better in a sense. When I am back to class, sometimes I was just too tired, and slept, and other times, simply had to pay attention to the lessons to catch up.
Recalling my last relationship was sad, I was pretty much a jerk back then I guess, I didn't know how to treat her right, and the fact that I knew she cried a lot just made me felt worst. Pretty sorry for everything I've done, and, I wish you all the best for the future.
Please bless her LORD, and her family, that they would have peace and joy and love and strength for each new day. Amen.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Words
Friendship can always bring about unlimited joy, but at some point, it does also bring frustration and annoyance. For the many times I felt annoyed, I always choose to voice out, of which I would wanna learn how not to. Sometimes things just goes on better without me making a great deal out of it, just SHUT UP, and I believe the storm would be over soon enough.
And, assuming that the way you treat people determines the way people treat you, I think I should really evaluate my speech before saying it out, like thoroughly.
Lord, I am feeling plain uncomfortable, and help me to get out of it please. I don't think I can do this myself. Help me to feel more for the people around me and less for myself, and stir me with the Holy Spirit whenever I would make a bad remark. Thanks Lord, Amen.
And, assuming that the way you treat people determines the way people treat you, I think I should really evaluate my speech before saying it out, like thoroughly.
Lord, I am feeling plain uncomfortable, and help me to get out of it please. I don't think I can do this myself. Help me to feel more for the people around me and less for myself, and stir me with the Holy Spirit whenever I would make a bad remark. Thanks Lord, Amen.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
LIFE LIFE LIFE
Well, life has been great for the couple of days, and all the outings are completely sparkling the dreadful HELP college life. However, as life goes by, it starts to seem a little lonely.
I know I am well famous for not being moved with the relationship crap, yet, I kinda feel that it's the time to really start trying to bond with someone, and hoping for all that I can get. I don't wanna sound desperate or anything, yet, considering the fact that I am well 21, it kinda triggered the thought of having someone, and the fact that I am moving in the land of the kangaroos next year, stirred the compulsion that I really could use a helping hand to take care of me when I fall.
Not that it's a sign to start hunting like a wolf or being insane about everything that comes across sight, yet, I think I should really consider being more vigilant of the upcoming acquaintances and check out whether if Ms. Right is hidden in the cluster.
Although I admit that there are still lots to worry about, and the overwhelming preparation would in all ways turn me off, I really do need to rely on You LORD to give me a direction and affirmation that I could do just fine.
AMEN.
I know I am well famous for not being moved with the relationship crap, yet, I kinda feel that it's the time to really start trying to bond with someone, and hoping for all that I can get. I don't wanna sound desperate or anything, yet, considering the fact that I am well 21, it kinda triggered the thought of having someone, and the fact that I am moving in the land of the kangaroos next year, stirred the compulsion that I really could use a helping hand to take care of me when I fall.
Not that it's a sign to start hunting like a wolf or being insane about everything that comes across sight, yet, I think I should really consider being more vigilant of the upcoming acquaintances and check out whether if Ms. Right is hidden in the cluster.
Although I admit that there are still lots to worry about, and the overwhelming preparation would in all ways turn me off, I really do need to rely on You LORD to give me a direction and affirmation that I could do just fine.
AMEN.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Friends
People should start teaching me the definition of friends, for I've long forgotten it's meaning. Redefining it might help me find some balance in life, I hope.
Monday, September 6, 2010
Unagreeableness
Sometimes, I feel very sorry for being unagreeable, but like a deep rooted trait, it takes a long long time to remove.
I notice that when I get unhappy or so-called "emo" for whatsoever reason, I kinda explicit this characteristic of mine very often. I guess it's pretty much why I perceive myself as a jerk.
Since high school, this trait kinda got me into trouble all the time. I just don't agree on many things people claim, sometimes because of different perception, and other times because I just felt like annoying the shit out of them. I don't like to say "yes" and give in, unless it's too insignificant, or the fact that I do really agree.
While contemplating the cause of it, I kinda got confuse whether it was debate that made me the way I am, or was it the way I am that got me into debate. No matter what the answer might be, I think I should really try being neutral at things sometimes.
Sorry to those I have offended because of my unagreeableness, and for the many times I was in a bad mood and felt just so much like "punching someone in the face" by reacting annoyingly to everything you guys say about anything, I am sooooooo sorry.
Change me LORD, help me to be a more optimistic and cheerful guy, teach me to be humble and thankful towards the friends I have, and help me be more neutral or agreeable towards things they say or convey. Thank You LORD. Amen
I notice that when I get unhappy or so-called "emo" for whatsoever reason, I kinda explicit this characteristic of mine very often. I guess it's pretty much why I perceive myself as a jerk.
Since high school, this trait kinda got me into trouble all the time. I just don't agree on many things people claim, sometimes because of different perception, and other times because I just felt like annoying the shit out of them. I don't like to say "yes" and give in, unless it's too insignificant, or the fact that I do really agree.
While contemplating the cause of it, I kinda got confuse whether it was debate that made me the way I am, or was it the way I am that got me into debate. No matter what the answer might be, I think I should really try being neutral at things sometimes.
Sorry to those I have offended because of my unagreeableness, and for the many times I was in a bad mood and felt just so much like "punching someone in the face" by reacting annoyingly to everything you guys say about anything, I am sooooooo sorry.
Change me LORD, help me to be a more optimistic and cheerful guy, teach me to be humble and thankful towards the friends I have, and help me be more neutral or agreeable towards things they say or convey. Thank You LORD. Amen
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Our God is An Awesome God
Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.
[Matthew 4:4]
It is seemingly so true these days through all the blessings that came from Him. Last Sunday, when Pastor Sandy elaborated on the topic of Rejection. There was this particular thing she said, of which I sincerely see no flaw in.
She said, " We need to learn to forgive, to handle rejection, because as God's people, we will succeed in life through His will and power, and this often brings forth prejudices and despise of the world."
How true is that in our lives, dear brothers and sisters in Christ?
As we walk along the journey of life, have we not realize that many times, we are blessed with the riches of life without even having to plea and beg? The many coincidences that are in favor of our well-being happens too often to be taken as mere luck.
The second message that stroke my heart, was the idea of "our perception determines our reality".
How sweet and pleasing to the ears to hear from God.
I have always had issues with perceiving myself as the ideal person I want to be, and thus have many times failed due to the internal denial that I could be a better person.
Past rejections of my life has always made my days like a living hell, and words people say in the past tore my heart apart so widely it could hardly be healed. Yet, as Pastor Sandy said, the soul will feel the pain, yet the spirit can choose to forgive and cleanse us clean from grudge just by asking Him.
God, maybe I am far from being perfect, but I know everytime I stand before You, I am made complete, complete with Your sovereignty, completed by Your love and embrace.
The heart of worship came back to me in abundance lately, thank You Lord, for giving me all that I have now and I am grateful for all that is to come ahead, cause I know through the hard times, I could take refuge, and that through the happy moments, I have You to thank. Amen.
[Matthew 4:4]
It is seemingly so true these days through all the blessings that came from Him. Last Sunday, when Pastor Sandy elaborated on the topic of Rejection. There was this particular thing she said, of which I sincerely see no flaw in.
She said, " We need to learn to forgive, to handle rejection, because as God's people, we will succeed in life through His will and power, and this often brings forth prejudices and despise of the world."
How true is that in our lives, dear brothers and sisters in Christ?
As we walk along the journey of life, have we not realize that many times, we are blessed with the riches of life without even having to plea and beg? The many coincidences that are in favor of our well-being happens too often to be taken as mere luck.
The second message that stroke my heart, was the idea of "our perception determines our reality".
How sweet and pleasing to the ears to hear from God.
I have always had issues with perceiving myself as the ideal person I want to be, and thus have many times failed due to the internal denial that I could be a better person.
Past rejections of my life has always made my days like a living hell, and words people say in the past tore my heart apart so widely it could hardly be healed. Yet, as Pastor Sandy said, the soul will feel the pain, yet the spirit can choose to forgive and cleanse us clean from grudge just by asking Him.
God, maybe I am far from being perfect, but I know everytime I stand before You, I am made complete, complete with Your sovereignty, completed by Your love and embrace.
The heart of worship came back to me in abundance lately, thank You Lord, for giving me all that I have now and I am grateful for all that is to come ahead, cause I know through the hard times, I could take refuge, and that through the happy moments, I have You to thank. Amen.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Differences
Hanging out with different group of friends often bring forth different feelings and emotions.
I kinda feel a little awkward in the group I was once very attached with, due to the changes in me and the perception of humor that kinda differed.
Getting accustom to a new tradition and culture takes time, how long would it take for me to adapt to the change that is coming ahead?
The way things were a few months back and now has also greatly varied..... And, most of the time, I am reluctant to believe those changes ever happened, and silently wishing that everything would return to normal.
God, take us further, give us the sensitivity to feel what others have in mind, and help us to think from their perspective. Help us to forgive and to silently wait upon Your directions in all relationships we partake in. Let our past fade with time, our present with no regrets, and future with hope. In Jesus Name, AMEN.
I kinda feel a little awkward in the group I was once very attached with, due to the changes in me and the perception of humor that kinda differed.
Getting accustom to a new tradition and culture takes time, how long would it take for me to adapt to the change that is coming ahead?
The way things were a few months back and now has also greatly varied..... And, most of the time, I am reluctant to believe those changes ever happened, and silently wishing that everything would return to normal.
God, take us further, give us the sensitivity to feel what others have in mind, and help us to think from their perspective. Help us to forgive and to silently wait upon Your directions in all relationships we partake in. Let our past fade with time, our present with no regrets, and future with hope. In Jesus Name, AMEN.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
My Change
Routine
Lately I found out that I am so not into a routine lifestyle. I like everything to be unpredictable, especially the adrenaline rush that comes forth in the midst of dealing with the unforeseen circumstances.
Love
I kinda have a different perspective of this term since who knows when. From the time I was dreaming to meet the perfect one, to have the perfect kiss, the perfect night, the perfect life together, until now that I crave companionship, a shoulder to lean upon, and someone to depend on when I tumble and break.
Friendship
Once upon a time, I remembered I had no close friends, even to the point that I believed it was non-existence. Although I might not have a heap of them now, but more than enough for me to feel contented. Simple things you all say can go so deep to touch my heart, but the downside? critics could also stab my heart like the prowess assassin ever. Pros outweighs the cons thou, since I know in every critic lies a room for improvement and enrichment!
Trivia words that touched my heart:
Nxxxx: Text when you're back!
Cxxx: Call me if you need a ride home, I am perfectly fine with it. (2.00 am)
Strength
Trying to depend on God more. FAITH man!
Lately I found out that I am so not into a routine lifestyle. I like everything to be unpredictable, especially the adrenaline rush that comes forth in the midst of dealing with the unforeseen circumstances.
Love
I kinda have a different perspective of this term since who knows when. From the time I was dreaming to meet the perfect one, to have the perfect kiss, the perfect night, the perfect life together, until now that I crave companionship, a shoulder to lean upon, and someone to depend on when I tumble and break.
Friendship
Once upon a time, I remembered I had no close friends, even to the point that I believed it was non-existence. Although I might not have a heap of them now, but more than enough for me to feel contented. Simple things you all say can go so deep to touch my heart, but the downside? critics could also stab my heart like the prowess assassin ever. Pros outweighs the cons thou, since I know in every critic lies a room for improvement and enrichment!
Trivia words that touched my heart:
Nxxxx: Text when you're back!
Cxxx: Call me if you need a ride home, I am perfectly fine with it. (2.00 am)
Strength
Trying to depend on God more. FAITH man!
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Reminiscence
Trying hard not to think too much.
I am such an idiot sometimes. My mind is so often bombarded with unhappy circumstances purely created in my imaginary world.
Going to Queensland in like 6 months kinda gives me no time to slack around doing nothing. I feel like being with the bunch of dearly friends I have for as long as I could, even until the point I feel more homely being with them than elsewhere.
"it doesn't matter what you do, but who you do it with"
This is seemingly so true these days.
There are often conflicts and problems that bloated out of a sudden, of which many of times caused difficult feelings or even onerous worries, I enjoyed the entire process. Not that I like it, but the fact that I know that these are parts and parcels that constructs our memory together.
May all the good be with us LORD, help us through the difficulties we face, and teach us the art of friendship in an even more in-dept manner. In Jesus' Precious Name, AMEN.
I am such an idiot sometimes. My mind is so often bombarded with unhappy circumstances purely created in my imaginary world.
Going to Queensland in like 6 months kinda gives me no time to slack around doing nothing. I feel like being with the bunch of dearly friends I have for as long as I could, even until the point I feel more homely being with them than elsewhere.
"it doesn't matter what you do, but who you do it with"
This is seemingly so true these days.
There are often conflicts and problems that bloated out of a sudden, of which many of times caused difficult feelings or even onerous worries, I enjoyed the entire process. Not that I like it, but the fact that I know that these are parts and parcels that constructs our memory together.
May all the good be with us LORD, help us through the difficulties we face, and teach us the art of friendship in an even more in-dept manner. In Jesus' Precious Name, AMEN.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Regrets
At this moment of life, I am feeling super regretful of the decisions I've made.
Stupid, persistent ones to make my life more miserable than it already is.
Thank goodness I am leaving Malaysia soon, I need a break from all these nonsense, I need a new fresh life to explore, and not to be told what I should or should not do, what I am and what I am not, what I am suppose to be and what I am not suppose to be.
Seriously, peace OFF!
The only thing I am concern about is in what light God sees me, anyone else, please try to refrain from judging or assuming me on irrelevant matters. If it's necessary for the good of the majority, spit it out, other wise, just kindly STOP. I have more issues to be concern about than being bothered my whole entire time about what you think.
And the fact that I can hardly control myself from not taking it personally, please just don't say what a normal nice guy wouldn't say and we might just be friends.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH
Stupid, persistent ones to make my life more miserable than it already is.
Thank goodness I am leaving Malaysia soon, I need a break from all these nonsense, I need a new fresh life to explore, and not to be told what I should or should not do, what I am and what I am not, what I am suppose to be and what I am not suppose to be.
Seriously, peace OFF!
The only thing I am concern about is in what light God sees me, anyone else, please try to refrain from judging or assuming me on irrelevant matters. If it's necessary for the good of the majority, spit it out, other wise, just kindly STOP. I have more issues to be concern about than being bothered my whole entire time about what you think.
And the fact that I can hardly control myself from not taking it personally, please just don't say what a normal nice guy wouldn't say and we might just be friends.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH
Monday, July 26, 2010
Testimony
To me, testimonies are wonderful, they are just a piece of master art.
Like seriously, how can you not like hearing one's experience with God?
Thanks to my friend Mr. Chiun, I watched a youtubed testimony of Pastor Jaeson Ma, and it was awesome. I cried like a baby, cause I knew that perseverance and faith would lead you to the eternal treasures God has promised.
Despite Your past, God loves You.
There was one verse I took down,
Nothing you do can make God love you more, yet nothing you do not do will make God love you less.
That's love man. That's love.
And that's all that you need.
Like seriously, how can you not like hearing one's experience with God?
Thanks to my friend Mr. Chiun, I watched a youtubed testimony of Pastor Jaeson Ma, and it was awesome. I cried like a baby, cause I knew that perseverance and faith would lead you to the eternal treasures God has promised.
Despite Your past, God loves You.
There was one verse I took down,
Nothing you do can make God love you more, yet nothing you do not do will make God love you less.
That's love man. That's love.
And that's all that you need.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Lost
I don't know since when and why I started feeling this.....
I don't know when I could get over it........
I don't know who caused it.......
But I know, I am not joyous now, neither sad thou.
The only time I can find complete contentment is when I am with You, when I worship You....
During this time, I feel wanted, I feel tightly held, I do not feel like I need to keep striving for approval, keep striving towards the seemingly unachievable worldly standards.
You made me who I am Lord, and You know what's best for me.
And from experience, I know much patience and endurance is required....
Lead me Lord, far from the old me, I desperately need a change, and more importantly I need You.
I am afraid Lord, I am..... Just worried that someday I would not have the strength to carry on.
Every step I take Lord, I pray it would take me closer to You.
I pray that all that struggle I am going through right now Lord, would lead me to the cross, to the eternal treasures You've promised.
And from experience once again, I have faith that it is true.
Please try to go a little easier on me, I am feeling fragile, and I know I would break, anytime....
Send me angels Lord, angels that understands me inside out, who speak faith and courage into my soul, who would willingly be my sword, and my shield, and everything I need to fight the battle... Angels who would lift me and prevent me from falling from the cliff of life.
All this I ask in Jesus Name, Amen.
I don't know when I could get over it........
I don't know who caused it.......
But I know, I am not joyous now, neither sad thou.
The only time I can find complete contentment is when I am with You, when I worship You....
During this time, I feel wanted, I feel tightly held, I do not feel like I need to keep striving for approval, keep striving towards the seemingly unachievable worldly standards.
You made me who I am Lord, and You know what's best for me.
And from experience, I know much patience and endurance is required....
Lead me Lord, far from the old me, I desperately need a change, and more importantly I need You.
I am afraid Lord, I am..... Just worried that someday I would not have the strength to carry on.
Every step I take Lord, I pray it would take me closer to You.
I pray that all that struggle I am going through right now Lord, would lead me to the cross, to the eternal treasures You've promised.
And from experience once again, I have faith that it is true.
Please try to go a little easier on me, I am feeling fragile, and I know I would break, anytime....
Send me angels Lord, angels that understands me inside out, who speak faith and courage into my soul, who would willingly be my sword, and my shield, and everything I need to fight the battle... Angels who would lift me and prevent me from falling from the cliff of life.
All this I ask in Jesus Name, Amen.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Mysteries
Looking back at the past few weeks of my life, all I could see was problems one after the other. Many of times, they are well forgotten on purpose- the so called escape plan, and the rare occasions where they aren't, simply destroys the accustomed routine of our lives.
While most of the problems are claimed to be triggered through the series of events happening with unpredictably fast pace, some are rather internally created, either intended or not.
21 years living on this planet has given me more than my intelligence could comprehend. While being involved in much relationships, I didn't seem to have a slight pinch of understanding about the underlying mechanics. At the same time of often being the consultant, I myself need answers, of which I didn't know where to seek from.
Many might think I am experiencing a hard time with sweat and tears, but I can sincerely assure you that it is not the case. Instead of terming it difficult moments, I would rather quote the simple word confusion. I am pretty confused, not by what I am seeing, or feeling, but rather the way people react to the things they are seeing and feeling. At one point I thought I knew what was the norm or regular course of action, but now, it rather felt like I've been confused all these while.
Not that I am liking it, but it seemed that an interesting picture lies ahead. I guess I would need to just wait for the doors to be unlocked one by one, and see for myself, if the ending will be as good as expected.
While most of the problems are claimed to be triggered through the series of events happening with unpredictably fast pace, some are rather internally created, either intended or not.
21 years living on this planet has given me more than my intelligence could comprehend. While being involved in much relationships, I didn't seem to have a slight pinch of understanding about the underlying mechanics. At the same time of often being the consultant, I myself need answers, of which I didn't know where to seek from.
Many might think I am experiencing a hard time with sweat and tears, but I can sincerely assure you that it is not the case. Instead of terming it difficult moments, I would rather quote the simple word confusion. I am pretty confused, not by what I am seeing, or feeling, but rather the way people react to the things they are seeing and feeling. At one point I thought I knew what was the norm or regular course of action, but now, it rather felt like I've been confused all these while.
Not that I am liking it, but it seemed that an interesting picture lies ahead. I guess I would need to just wait for the doors to be unlocked one by one, and see for myself, if the ending will be as good as expected.
Monday, May 17, 2010
Dear Father Lord
I forgot how long it was since I once wrote in this blog, it felt like forever.
Father LORD, I surrender my life once again to you Lord. I know I have been an unworthy Christian all this while, and am ready to accept changes. I know that it would not be instantaneous, but rather a progressive journey.
You have never failed me LORD, but I on the other hand have been always falling away. Oh Jesus, what could I do to change my past? What could I do to erase the pain and suffering and the sinful lust of my youth which entraps me in misery all these while?
Have I been so ignorant all these while that I forgotten the simplest message of which there is nothing I could do, that all I needed was His grace and mercy, and falling into His arms once again makes me even clearer that nothing could replace Him, nothing at all.
God is good, You are good Father Jesus, and I know you would never put us through obstacles we couldn't bare. While criticism of Christianity never ends, It made me even stronger, for I know the many wonders You've done in my life, I know it's not delusion, and it's never even comparable to an imaginary friend. You are real LORD, from the assurance of Your voice, from the promises that never fails, I believe LORD.
I know LORD that You've given me more than enough to clear my doubts, but many times, temptation I fall into. I am willing LORD, strike me with your Holy Spirit, change me from within. Provide me my daily schedules and help me be persistent, for my one and only prayer that would always remain, is for my faith to grow everlastingly, and that one day, I would proudly carry the name of a Believer of Jesus Christ.
Amen.
Father LORD, I surrender my life once again to you Lord. I know I have been an unworthy Christian all this while, and am ready to accept changes. I know that it would not be instantaneous, but rather a progressive journey.
You have never failed me LORD, but I on the other hand have been always falling away. Oh Jesus, what could I do to change my past? What could I do to erase the pain and suffering and the sinful lust of my youth which entraps me in misery all these while?
Have I been so ignorant all these while that I forgotten the simplest message of which there is nothing I could do, that all I needed was His grace and mercy, and falling into His arms once again makes me even clearer that nothing could replace Him, nothing at all.
God is good, You are good Father Jesus, and I know you would never put us through obstacles we couldn't bare. While criticism of Christianity never ends, It made me even stronger, for I know the many wonders You've done in my life, I know it's not delusion, and it's never even comparable to an imaginary friend. You are real LORD, from the assurance of Your voice, from the promises that never fails, I believe LORD.
I know LORD that You've given me more than enough to clear my doubts, but many times, temptation I fall into. I am willing LORD, strike me with your Holy Spirit, change me from within. Provide me my daily schedules and help me be persistent, for my one and only prayer that would always remain, is for my faith to grow everlastingly, and that one day, I would proudly carry the name of a Believer of Jesus Christ.
Amen.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Renewed
Hey peeps, few weeks back I couldn't really comprehend the time I spend alone at home, feeling like I've somehow left something behind. Now that I've made things clear, I would gladly announce that I am refreshed!!
Going through the ups and downs of life, I somehow learn that despite liking it or not, you've gotta live the present. God gave us this "present", and we do not reject gifts right ? :-D
From the road trip to Penang weeks back, I was unintentionally attracted to Taylor Swift's music, thanks to Arnold for bringing the CD along...
To-Do list for the Week:
1) Manually Sign up my subjects and visiting the bursary.
2) Study hard for next Monday's theory exam
3) Cook for my beloved Ex-Games Committee Mates
4) Enjoy myself!!
Thanks LORD for the joy I am experiencing, Amen.
Going through the ups and downs of life, I somehow learn that despite liking it or not, you've gotta live the present. God gave us this "present", and we do not reject gifts right ? :-D
From the road trip to Penang weeks back, I was unintentionally attracted to Taylor Swift's music, thanks to Arnold for bringing the CD along...
To-Do list for the Week:
1) Manually Sign up my subjects and visiting the bursary.
2) Study hard for next Monday's theory exam
3) Cook for my beloved Ex-Games Committee Mates
4) Enjoy myself!!
Thanks LORD for the joy I am experiencing, Amen.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Frustration
I am so lost, I don't feel like going to college for those boring lectures, sick of facing the idiotic studying environment in HELP, and most of all, tired of getting up from bed at 6 am.
What kind of a crazy timetable is that, I mean seriously, I thought I was old enough to get my sleep until 8, but I guess I have got to continue the routine of 6ish for some trashy management classes.
First week of the new semester is down without even attending, I was just too *busy* to even bother.It however kills me to even think I need to go there the first day after my mission trip to Sibu. Come on, the small guy here needs his rest.
I am doubting my capability of sitting put in the classrooms with no friends to babble to. The typical way of getting over it is to either sleep with my eyes open, or perhaps stern focus on the lecture, whichever easier (obviously the first.......duh~)
This tragedy lasts through the year....get me? through the year........ Why on earth does anyone chooses business besides the job security it claims to provide, nothing.....NOTHING
Argh, I feel awful complaining about all this ***t, but I couldn't help but explode all my anger here in the replacement of flaring my "so called" classmates' faces off with my I-don't-give-a-shit look.....
Peace be with me.....Give me the patience o LORD, need you so much to take my life much easier....
O dang, not forgetting the music classes that comes in package with the assignments and exams......PUH-LEASE help me.....
What kind of a crazy timetable is that, I mean seriously, I thought I was old enough to get my sleep until 8, but I guess I have got to continue the routine of 6ish for some trashy management classes.
First week of the new semester is down without even attending, I was just too *busy* to even bother.It however kills me to even think I need to go there the first day after my mission trip to Sibu. Come on, the small guy here needs his rest.
I am doubting my capability of sitting put in the classrooms with no friends to babble to. The typical way of getting over it is to either sleep with my eyes open, or perhaps stern focus on the lecture, whichever easier (obviously the first.......duh~)
This tragedy lasts through the year....get me? through the year........ Why on earth does anyone chooses business besides the job security it claims to provide, nothing.....NOTHING
Argh, I feel awful complaining about all this ***t, but I couldn't help but explode all my anger here in the replacement of flaring my "so called" classmates' faces off with my I-don't-give-a-shit look.....
Peace be with me.....Give me the patience o LORD, need you so much to take my life much easier....
O dang, not forgetting the music classes that comes in package with the assignments and exams......PUH-LEASE help me.....
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Agony (Maybe not that severe LOL)
Once again going through the vicious cycle of sin thrills every inch of my soul, tearing me apart unconsciously. I was worried, that literally one day, I would be of the world, the world of which wrong seems right.
Longing just to see or even feel You has been difficult LORD, at this point of my life, it's no longer a matter of clinging unto Your promises to forgive as we repent, but I need You to hug me tight with all Your might, to comfort the lost compassion and faith that faded into dust through time and temptations.
Life has been dull without Your presence and Your guidance.
Whenever I was in need of worldly things, I always say that I would give up everything but You.
At this very moment I wrote these words, I realize one very important fact, that in us are the temples of which Your spirit resides, and therefore we shouldn't do anything that would defile Your name by exploiting our own bodies.
I pray for everyone out there who are facing difficult moments of their life during the close chinese new year season that we would cling on to our faith, realizing that no matter what, You LORD would calm our hearts as we seek You day by day.
Amen.
Longing just to see or even feel You has been difficult LORD, at this point of my life, it's no longer a matter of clinging unto Your promises to forgive as we repent, but I need You to hug me tight with all Your might, to comfort the lost compassion and faith that faded into dust through time and temptations.
Life has been dull without Your presence and Your guidance.
Whenever I was in need of worldly things, I always say that I would give up everything but You.
At this very moment I wrote these words, I realize one very important fact, that in us are the temples of which Your spirit resides, and therefore we shouldn't do anything that would defile Your name by exploiting our own bodies.
I pray for everyone out there who are facing difficult moments of their life during the close chinese new year season that we would cling on to our faith, realizing that no matter what, You LORD would calm our hearts as we seek You day by day.
Amen.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Give Thanks
It's been a long time since I last posted anything, maybe because I just didn't gather enough emotion as motivation.
There are plenty of trash that are hidden in my heart, things that words can't convey, and I often am timid enough to keep it strictly to myself while squeezing into other people's business to drive myself away from my own problems, or just perhaps temporarily divert my focus.
It is common that many things had happened since the last post, I mean in all aspects, but I sincerely am only concern about one great thing, which is to Give Thanks to the Lord for all that he has done and brought me through.
I blame myself Lord, many times, for failing to obey Your commandments and even the simplest things You've intended me to or not to do, despite how strongly Your Spirit was calling out to me.
Forgive me O Lord, Forgive me.
I wasn't an obedient child Lord, but I know Lord, that I want You more than anything.
The devil tempts me to do many unforgivably wrong doings, and I stupidly followed, thinking it was only human nature, what everybody does.
I was foolish Lord, for we are not Everybody, we are Somebody whom are chosen by You to accomplish Your will, to serve and not to be served.
In the days to come, I pray Lord that it will be more and more of You and less of me. All my days and all my years, teach me how to become a faithful servant of Yours, who patiently labors for the harvest, to see that one day Your Name would be glorified in all nations, and that all will kneel and worship You O Lord.
I pray that people around me, my friends would be greatly blessed by Your grace, and You would enable the seeds to be sowed at the perfect timing of Yours Lord, and that all would be reunited in heaven.
I Give Thanks Lord, for You have sent Your only beloved son Jesus to die on the cross for us, so that we can be forgiven for our sins.
"My heart and my strength, many times they fail;
but there is one truth, that always will prevail;
God is the strength of my heart."
I thank You Lord, for smiling at me, at times that I feel like a complete jerk, a sinner not worthy of You. I give You praise.
Rain down on me, wash me over from what's born within I cannot unbind, and cast away the evil spirit that dwells within me to commit the sins of the world.
All I need is You.....Lord....
There are plenty of trash that are hidden in my heart, things that words can't convey, and I often am timid enough to keep it strictly to myself while squeezing into other people's business to drive myself away from my own problems, or just perhaps temporarily divert my focus.
It is common that many things had happened since the last post, I mean in all aspects, but I sincerely am only concern about one great thing, which is to Give Thanks to the Lord for all that he has done and brought me through.
I blame myself Lord, many times, for failing to obey Your commandments and even the simplest things You've intended me to or not to do, despite how strongly Your Spirit was calling out to me.
Forgive me O Lord, Forgive me.
I wasn't an obedient child Lord, but I know Lord, that I want You more than anything.
The devil tempts me to do many unforgivably wrong doings, and I stupidly followed, thinking it was only human nature, what everybody does.
I was foolish Lord, for we are not Everybody, we are Somebody whom are chosen by You to accomplish Your will, to serve and not to be served.
In the days to come, I pray Lord that it will be more and more of You and less of me. All my days and all my years, teach me how to become a faithful servant of Yours, who patiently labors for the harvest, to see that one day Your Name would be glorified in all nations, and that all will kneel and worship You O Lord.
I pray that people around me, my friends would be greatly blessed by Your grace, and You would enable the seeds to be sowed at the perfect timing of Yours Lord, and that all would be reunited in heaven.
I Give Thanks Lord, for You have sent Your only beloved son Jesus to die on the cross for us, so that we can be forgiven for our sins.
"My heart and my strength, many times they fail;
but there is one truth, that always will prevail;
God is the strength of my heart."
I thank You Lord, for smiling at me, at times that I feel like a complete jerk, a sinner not worthy of You. I give You praise.
Rain down on me, wash me over from what's born within I cannot unbind, and cast away the evil spirit that dwells within me to commit the sins of the world.
All I need is You.....Lord....
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
