Reticence

Without faith, it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.

[Hebrews 11:6]

If anyone ever pondered why I wasn't updating my supposedly frequently updated blog, the only reason I would claim is the lack of posting materials due to the thoroughly ordinary days that flew by.

Personally I was pretty quiet throughout the week, and it seriously didn't require extreme inspection skills to realize that a pretty huge number of people around me are facing quite some problems in their lives.

My recently developed characteristics somehow served as a beautifully constructed barrier that prevented me from stepping into other people's business unless they are somewhat concerning me or someone close to me.

Deep down heart, I always had a strong on-going struggle.

Regardless of how much I desire people to care for me, I am somewhat terrible at visualizing this desire through expression. Whenever being tossed a "Are you ok?" question, my response is so very programed in a sense with the default answer "yes", yet sometimes without really meaning it. What's worst is that if that someone who cared for me kept pestering with the same message over and over, I often get so pissed off that I put them down with terrible words that busted out of my mouth without understanding its appropriateness or whatsoever.

On the other hand, contradicting to my robust feeling to reach out to people I care or love, I am always pretending that it doesn't mean a damn thing to me. The curiosity of my heart concerning his/her well-being might be driving me crazy, but on my appearance, it might just be a random stare or even just a simply meaningless smile.


I know I know......but.....it is just so hard to tear this veil down.

Sometimes I put blame to the fact that I am the only child, I am used to solving problems despite it's difficulty or miserableness to the extend that even if I breakdown lost and unseen, I am unwilling to dial for HELP. Maybe that's why I end up in HELP university I guess, LOL (pure lame joke xD)

In conclusion however, I would like to give praise to God for that I knew Him as my personal LORD and savior and seeking Him first would definitely be my one and only solution when it comes to torturing dilemma. In addition, I would like to thank Him as well for showing me that there are people outside there who are facing unsociable problem I am having and I pray that one day we will both find a solution to rip that envelop we hide ourselves in. I have faith, that the day will come. AMEN.