Well, it's been awhile since I've updated to my almost dying blog. Hmm, I seriously have no idea or intention to post anything important or sort, that's why it's called a random update.
Lately, nothing seems to be cool, I just have the feeling that people aren't being that nice, maybe it's just me, but I really hope I could discover the underlying reason.......Not that I give a shit, but well, it's still good to understand why they are acting different.
To be frank, I am having finals in like 2 weeks from now, a guest m.c. invitation which would need some practice, youth camp games preparation, CKC camp games preparation, piano classes and more..... A peak time in my year I would say, and I still don't feel like doing anything...LOL
Honestly, motivation is fading away, I lack the strength to move on, it's just like I wanna throw all things aside and travel to somewhere sweet. I don't know why this is coming up, but yea, it's there in the deepest part of my heart.
And about the piano lesson thingy, a major reason why I retook the course was because of a Korean drama, no joke, I am always doing things out of fresh sparks. Well, the drama is called Beethoven Virus, and I love the series, it reminded me of how important the performance stage is in my life, it's like my all, I am used to be with it, and would want to continue living on it.
Since I left high school, life has just been common, I mean ordinary, and I just despise living ordinarily. I like a life with lots and lots of ups and downs, it's just me I guess. Some of my friends who share the same feeling would understand how this boring HELP is dragging us into a pit of ignorance, or maybe just because we allowed it to.
Ending this blog with a prayer as usual, "Father LORD, help me to find the suitable stage I could perform, help me to perform for You. In Jesus Name, AMEN."
Before I forget, I would like to share the Drama's OST as well.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Reticence
Without faith, it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.
Personally I was pretty quiet throughout the week, and it seriously didn't require extreme inspection skills to realize that a pretty huge number of people around me are facing quite some problems in their lives.
My recently developed characteristics somehow served as a beautifully constructed barrier that prevented me from stepping into other people's business unless they are somewhat concerning me or someone close to me.
Deep down heart, I always had a strong on-going struggle.
Regardless of how much I desire people to care for me, I am somewhat terrible at visualizing this desire through expression. Whenever being tossed a "Are you ok?" question, my response is so very programed in a sense with the default answer "yes", yet sometimes without really meaning it. What's worst is that if that someone who cared for me kept pestering with the same message over and over, I often get so pissed off that I put them down with terrible words that busted out of my mouth without understanding its appropriateness or whatsoever.
On the other hand, contradicting to my robust feeling to reach out to people I care or love, I am always pretending that it doesn't mean a damn thing to me. The curiosity of my heart concerning his/her well-being might be driving me crazy, but on my appearance, it might just be a random stare or even just a simply meaningless smile.
I know I know......but.....it is just so hard to tear this veil down.
Sometimes I put blame to the fact that I am the only child, I am used to solving problems despite it's difficulty or miserableness to the extend that even if I breakdown lost and unseen, I am unwilling to dial for HELP. Maybe that's why I end up in HELP university I guess, LOL (pure lame joke xD)
In conclusion however, I would like to give praise to God for that I knew Him as my personal LORD and savior and seeking Him first would definitely be my one and only solution when it comes to torturing dilemma. In addition, I would like to thank Him as well for showing me that there are people outside there who are facing unsociable problem I am having and I pray that one day we will both find a solution to rip that envelop we hide ourselves in. I have faith, that the day will come. AMEN.
[Hebrews 11:6]
If anyone ever pondered why I wasn't updating my supposedly frequently updated blog, the only reason I would claim is the lack of posting materials due to the thoroughly ordinary days that flew by.
Personally I was pretty quiet throughout the week, and it seriously didn't require extreme inspection skills to realize that a pretty huge number of people around me are facing quite some problems in their lives.
My recently developed characteristics somehow served as a beautifully constructed barrier that prevented me from stepping into other people's business unless they are somewhat concerning me or someone close to me.
Deep down heart, I always had a strong on-going struggle.
Regardless of how much I desire people to care for me, I am somewhat terrible at visualizing this desire through expression. Whenever being tossed a "Are you ok?" question, my response is so very programed in a sense with the default answer "yes", yet sometimes without really meaning it. What's worst is that if that someone who cared for me kept pestering with the same message over and over, I often get so pissed off that I put them down with terrible words that busted out of my mouth without understanding its appropriateness or whatsoever.
On the other hand, contradicting to my robust feeling to reach out to people I care or love, I am always pretending that it doesn't mean a damn thing to me. The curiosity of my heart concerning his/her well-being might be driving me crazy, but on my appearance, it might just be a random stare or even just a simply meaningless smile.
I know I know......but.....it is just so hard to tear this veil down.
Sometimes I put blame to the fact that I am the only child, I am used to solving problems despite it's difficulty or miserableness to the extend that even if I breakdown lost and unseen, I am unwilling to dial for HELP. Maybe that's why I end up in HELP university I guess, LOL (pure lame joke xD)
In conclusion however, I would like to give praise to God for that I knew Him as my personal LORD and savior and seeking Him first would definitely be my one and only solution when it comes to torturing dilemma. In addition, I would like to thank Him as well for showing me that there are people outside there who are facing unsociable problem I am having and I pray that one day we will both find a solution to rip that envelop we hide ourselves in. I have faith, that the day will come. AMEN.
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