I really couldn't get over with the whole love scene now.....
Everything seems so awkward
There is no longer the privilege to be so mesmerized about someone, dwell in it, feel butterflies and.....
Everything everyone thinks about now, is taking action, to get together....
It certainly isn't to blame, since you wouldn't have the certainty of seeing that someone every single other day, like in high school....
I can't tolerate the thought that I am 22...... There is so much out there, so much I couldn't be sure of....
On one hand, I felt unaccomplished, on the other, I know I had to go on
I miss the feeling of being in all that love drama, all the ups and downs....
Now, the only thing that comes up to mind, is being unwanted......
I've constantly wanted to improve myself, to be the best I possibly can be...
I always dream high, aim high.....
But one time after the other, I am struck by the passing boulders that seem so impossible to overcome....
Push on, I will get there, I told myself.....
I really wanted to thank some friends who made me realize, how pessimistic I am, at least in quite a few things...
I really felt it this instance, yet I couldn't help it, it's one thing that makes me feel alive, it's the one thing that makes me me.... It's my motto that I must improve, I must strive...
I felt the pressure of the world on me, yet no one could or would hold the key to release it all....
I simply wouldn't let them... I need to be the tough Alvin, I couldn't fall back, not this time, everytime..
Despite how much I missed the tangible kisses, hugs, I knew, the me now is not worthy of it, and that I need to be better......
Be Better...
How I wish I could really say "Let them look, stare, and talk all they want, I don't care!"
That's still not happening, not now, not ever.....
