Well, it's been awhile since I've updated to my almost dying blog. Hmm, I seriously have no idea or intention to post anything important or sort, that's why it's called a random update.
Lately, nothing seems to be cool, I just have the feeling that people aren't being that nice, maybe it's just me, but I really hope I could discover the underlying reason.......Not that I give a shit, but well, it's still good to understand why they are acting different.
To be frank, I am having finals in like 2 weeks from now, a guest m.c. invitation which would need some practice, youth camp games preparation, CKC camp games preparation, piano classes and more..... A peak time in my year I would say, and I still don't feel like doing anything...LOL
Honestly, motivation is fading away, I lack the strength to move on, it's just like I wanna throw all things aside and travel to somewhere sweet. I don't know why this is coming up, but yea, it's there in the deepest part of my heart.
And about the piano lesson thingy, a major reason why I retook the course was because of a Korean drama, no joke, I am always doing things out of fresh sparks. Well, the drama is called Beethoven Virus, and I love the series, it reminded me of how important the performance stage is in my life, it's like my all, I am used to be with it, and would want to continue living on it.
Since I left high school, life has just been common, I mean ordinary, and I just despise living ordinarily. I like a life with lots and lots of ups and downs, it's just me I guess. Some of my friends who share the same feeling would understand how this boring HELP is dragging us into a pit of ignorance, or maybe just because we allowed it to.
Ending this blog with a prayer as usual, "Father LORD, help me to find the suitable stage I could perform, help me to perform for You. In Jesus Name, AMEN."
Before I forget, I would like to share the Drama's OST as well.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Reticence
Without faith, it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.
Personally I was pretty quiet throughout the week, and it seriously didn't require extreme inspection skills to realize that a pretty huge number of people around me are facing quite some problems in their lives.
My recently developed characteristics somehow served as a beautifully constructed barrier that prevented me from stepping into other people's business unless they are somewhat concerning me or someone close to me.
Deep down heart, I always had a strong on-going struggle.
Regardless of how much I desire people to care for me, I am somewhat terrible at visualizing this desire through expression. Whenever being tossed a "Are you ok?" question, my response is so very programed in a sense with the default answer "yes", yet sometimes without really meaning it. What's worst is that if that someone who cared for me kept pestering with the same message over and over, I often get so pissed off that I put them down with terrible words that busted out of my mouth without understanding its appropriateness or whatsoever.
On the other hand, contradicting to my robust feeling to reach out to people I care or love, I am always pretending that it doesn't mean a damn thing to me. The curiosity of my heart concerning his/her well-being might be driving me crazy, but on my appearance, it might just be a random stare or even just a simply meaningless smile.
I know I know......but.....it is just so hard to tear this veil down.
Sometimes I put blame to the fact that I am the only child, I am used to solving problems despite it's difficulty or miserableness to the extend that even if I breakdown lost and unseen, I am unwilling to dial for HELP. Maybe that's why I end up in HELP university I guess, LOL (pure lame joke xD)
In conclusion however, I would like to give praise to God for that I knew Him as my personal LORD and savior and seeking Him first would definitely be my one and only solution when it comes to torturing dilemma. In addition, I would like to thank Him as well for showing me that there are people outside there who are facing unsociable problem I am having and I pray that one day we will both find a solution to rip that envelop we hide ourselves in. I have faith, that the day will come. AMEN.
[Hebrews 11:6]
If anyone ever pondered why I wasn't updating my supposedly frequently updated blog, the only reason I would claim is the lack of posting materials due to the thoroughly ordinary days that flew by.
Personally I was pretty quiet throughout the week, and it seriously didn't require extreme inspection skills to realize that a pretty huge number of people around me are facing quite some problems in their lives.
My recently developed characteristics somehow served as a beautifully constructed barrier that prevented me from stepping into other people's business unless they are somewhat concerning me or someone close to me.
Deep down heart, I always had a strong on-going struggle.
Regardless of how much I desire people to care for me, I am somewhat terrible at visualizing this desire through expression. Whenever being tossed a "Are you ok?" question, my response is so very programed in a sense with the default answer "yes", yet sometimes without really meaning it. What's worst is that if that someone who cared for me kept pestering with the same message over and over, I often get so pissed off that I put them down with terrible words that busted out of my mouth without understanding its appropriateness or whatsoever.
On the other hand, contradicting to my robust feeling to reach out to people I care or love, I am always pretending that it doesn't mean a damn thing to me. The curiosity of my heart concerning his/her well-being might be driving me crazy, but on my appearance, it might just be a random stare or even just a simply meaningless smile.
I know I know......but.....it is just so hard to tear this veil down.
Sometimes I put blame to the fact that I am the only child, I am used to solving problems despite it's difficulty or miserableness to the extend that even if I breakdown lost and unseen, I am unwilling to dial for HELP. Maybe that's why I end up in HELP university I guess, LOL (pure lame joke xD)
In conclusion however, I would like to give praise to God for that I knew Him as my personal LORD and savior and seeking Him first would definitely be my one and only solution when it comes to torturing dilemma. In addition, I would like to thank Him as well for showing me that there are people outside there who are facing unsociable problem I am having and I pray that one day we will both find a solution to rip that envelop we hide ourselves in. I have faith, that the day will come. AMEN.
Monday, September 21, 2009
HELP Christian Fellowship Camp
Honestly speaking, my emotions fluctuated up and down a lot during this camp, but the mask hindered the emotional break-down times well, and fortunately no one actually realized. However, overall, it's an awesome camp for it was a time for me to calm my heart and seek the direction instructed by Him.
The companion of emptiness is a fearful one. Sometimes, we really question His ways.
I've never wondered whether God's direction was the best, but at intervals, I do doubt whether they are best for me.
I somehow got His answer regarding this uncertainty.
As humans, I am pretty sure we sometimes don't even know what we want, and which path is appropriate for us. However, there is good news.
God knows us, His understanding of us is beyond what you imagine, He knows us more than we know ourselves and therefore He chooses the best possible out of us. If we decide to ignore His calling and refuse to live according to His ways, we might obtain something we desire presently but spend the rest of our lives regretting having it.
It is a difficult choice to make and maybe unreasonable in human perspective, and I myself fail to listen many times, but I am sure, God is good all the time, and He awaits for us to come back to Him.
I therefore would like to thank God for every situations I'm put through, and apologize that I might still need His patience for sometime, to enable me to once again put that armor on. In Jesus Name, Amen.
The companion of emptiness is a fearful one. Sometimes, we really question His ways.
I've never wondered whether God's direction was the best, but at intervals, I do doubt whether they are best for me.
I somehow got His answer regarding this uncertainty.
As humans, I am pretty sure we sometimes don't even know what we want, and which path is appropriate for us. However, there is good news.
God knows us, His understanding of us is beyond what you imagine, He knows us more than we know ourselves and therefore He chooses the best possible out of us. If we decide to ignore His calling and refuse to live according to His ways, we might obtain something we desire presently but spend the rest of our lives regretting having it.
It is a difficult choice to make and maybe unreasonable in human perspective, and I myself fail to listen many times, but I am sure, God is good all the time, and He awaits for us to come back to Him.
I therefore would like to thank God for every situations I'm put through, and apologize that I might still need His patience for sometime, to enable me to once again put that armor on. In Jesus Name, Amen.
Monday, September 14, 2009
Feelings of A Non-Business Material Student Before Exam
I just wanna sing....
It's hard for I have like 18 hours to my exam and I haven't done studying........
With no desires to progress.....
It's hard for I have like 18 hours to my exam and I haven't done studying........
With no desires to progress.....
Friday, September 4, 2009
Pride
Seriously, when I think back of the incidences I've been through, I thank God for forgiving me, I was unworthy, foolish......
Sometimes as we progress in the Christian Walk, we tend to forget the fundamental basis of being Christians. Today, I got awakened by John of the word HUMBLE.
God is always faithful, He gently awaits us to have this intimate love relationship with Him.
Sometime ago, I was questioning about my experience and walk with God, for that somethings haven't been happening for awhile. It's like it vanished all of a sudden, and again it comes back to this word HUMBLE.
John quoted that many worship leaders who initially served God strayed away because of pride. It's when you're in front, that you tend to forget what brought you there.
At the beginning, we all prayed for humility, we prayed for joy, for love, for Godly wisdom. But sooner or later when we experienced God and truly believed in Him, we did not move on the way He intended. On the contrary, we kept asking for more, we desire more good, and we seek recognition.
God takes initiative to have a relationship with us, He wants to achieve His plans through us. We are not the ones to demand, but to listen, to adjust our lives to live in line with His footsteps.
Today in CF, while we worshiped, I saw an endless road in a dry land, with no dividers. My understanding tells me that, God wanted to show me that the Christian path is long, and it is harsh, with no turn-backs, but the far land in front would be promising.
*It looks something like this*
Father Lord, I repent for pride while I serve You, I repent for not being REAL enough towards You. Guide me with the Holy Spirit, feel me with hunger for Your Words, make me HUMBLE at all cost, and never allow me to stray from You. In Jesus' Name, AMEN.
Sometimes as we progress in the Christian Walk, we tend to forget the fundamental basis of being Christians. Today, I got awakened by John of the word HUMBLE.
God is always faithful, He gently awaits us to have this intimate love relationship with Him.
Sometime ago, I was questioning about my experience and walk with God, for that somethings haven't been happening for awhile. It's like it vanished all of a sudden, and again it comes back to this word HUMBLE.
John quoted that many worship leaders who initially served God strayed away because of pride. It's when you're in front, that you tend to forget what brought you there.
At the beginning, we all prayed for humility, we prayed for joy, for love, for Godly wisdom. But sooner or later when we experienced God and truly believed in Him, we did not move on the way He intended. On the contrary, we kept asking for more, we desire more good, and we seek recognition.
God takes initiative to have a relationship with us, He wants to achieve His plans through us. We are not the ones to demand, but to listen, to adjust our lives to live in line with His footsteps.
Today in CF, while we worshiped, I saw an endless road in a dry land, with no dividers. My understanding tells me that, God wanted to show me that the Christian path is long, and it is harsh, with no turn-backs, but the far land in front would be promising.
*It looks something like this*
Father Lord, I repent for pride while I serve You, I repent for not being REAL enough towards You. Guide me with the Holy Spirit, feel me with hunger for Your Words, make me HUMBLE at all cost, and never allow me to stray from You. In Jesus' Name, AMEN.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Purpose
As you all know, I participated in 30 Hour Famine awhile ago. For me, it's a wonderful experience and I really thank God for giving me wonderful group mates which comprises of 7 fellas from SMK Seafield, Jenny from Help Psychology, Jennifer (Jenny's sister), and Angeline. It was awesome to see some familiar church faces, like Jin Yin, Wyman, Melody, Arnold and of course the inviter John.
The games are pretty meaningful and seriously through it I know I was molded for a purpose. For those who didn't come, too bad, but you can share the joy by looking at this team as they finished their huts they were suppose to live in.
Cool aint it? It's purely made of card boxes, newspaper, and strings. NO JOKES!
For an insight of what I felt, It was never easy being a group leader. The main issue that bothered me was that despite sleeping 2 hours the previous day and all that hunger, I've got to show enthusiasm and appear participative. I would like to say thank you to my group mates for they never blamed me and attended to my lame jokes and sort.
Day time activities were energy consuming but then it all soothes down at night.
See, what I meant by soothing~ LOL~
In the next morning, we were leaving for the concert at Bukit Jalil. In my opinion, it is pretty much chinese dominated, and due to the fact that I am leading an english group, it seemed gloomy. Everyone was tired and hungry, and all I hoped for is that time pass by soon enough that I would not die starving. Seriously, even Ah Mei didn't get me excited. =.=
Deep down my heart, I realize how uncontented we are. The situation out there is getting pretty bad, food crisis is pwndering the whole world and yet some brainless freaks are still worsening the situation with the FUCKIN biofuel development. I know people would think that I am crazy for being mad, but I just can't tolerate a child's laughter being slaughtered by advancement of technology. I would rather have a deserted world filled with happy people.
People out there need help, and you and I can make a difference!! Use our intellectual skills for the correct purpose and shine for God, live to serve as He died serving US!
These children need our help, they deserve the rights to live just as our blessed offsprings. Give them the happiness they need, for even by looking at the smiles of the children triggers tears, for I know it takes more than you imagine to put it on.
The games are pretty meaningful and seriously through it I know I was molded for a purpose. For those who didn't come, too bad, but you can share the joy by looking at this team as they finished their huts they were suppose to live in.
Cool aint it? It's purely made of card boxes, newspaper, and strings. NO JOKES!For an insight of what I felt, It was never easy being a group leader. The main issue that bothered me was that despite sleeping 2 hours the previous day and all that hunger, I've got to show enthusiasm and appear participative. I would like to say thank you to my group mates for they never blamed me and attended to my lame jokes and sort.
Day time activities were energy consuming but then it all soothes down at night.
See, what I meant by soothing~ LOL~In the next morning, we were leaving for the concert at Bukit Jalil. In my opinion, it is pretty much chinese dominated, and due to the fact that I am leading an english group, it seemed gloomy. Everyone was tired and hungry, and all I hoped for is that time pass by soon enough that I would not die starving. Seriously, even Ah Mei didn't get me excited. =.=
Deep down my heart, I realize how uncontented we are. The situation out there is getting pretty bad, food crisis is pwndering the whole world and yet some brainless freaks are still worsening the situation with the FUCKIN biofuel development. I know people would think that I am crazy for being mad, but I just can't tolerate a child's laughter being slaughtered by advancement of technology. I would rather have a deserted world filled with happy people.
People out there need help, and you and I can make a difference!! Use our intellectual skills for the correct purpose and shine for God, live to serve as He died serving US!
These children need our help, they deserve the rights to live just as our blessed offsprings. Give them the happiness they need, for even by looking at the smiles of the children triggers tears, for I know it takes more than you imagine to put it on.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Day 40
Theme: Celebrating our Independence and Praying for the Future of the Nation
Scriptures:
[Numbers 6:25]
the LORD make his face shine upon you
and be gracious to you;
[Isaiah 62:1-4]
For Zion's sake I will not keep silent,
for Jerusalem's sake I will not remain quiet,
till her righteousness shies out like the dawn,
her salvation like a blazing torch.
The nations will see your righteousness,
and all kings your glory;
you will be called by a new name
that the mouth of the LORD will bestow.
You will be a crown of splendor in the LORD's hand,
a royal diadem in the hand of your God.
No longer will they call you Deserted,
or name your land Desolate.
But you will be called Hephzibah,
and your land Beulah;
for the LORD will take delight in you,
and your land will be married.
Prayer Subjects:
1. Praise God for 52 years of independence, peace and harmony. May God's favour be continually upon us that we will continue to dwell in peace and safety
2. Pray that the future of this nation will be built upon justice, righteousness, fairness and integrity. O Lord, make the Church a blessing to this nation!
3. Uphold the national prayer rally tonight at FGA KL, for the speaker and God's presence to be manifested
Personals:
O man, I can't believe it's the last day of the 40 days of prayer for our nation. And tomorrow will be our Merdeka Day! I don't really fancy such celebration and had never been part of the events and activities, but I do acknowledge the fact that we've been an integrated nation for 52 years already and pray to God for His blessing to be poured out on this land that we would continue to enjoy peace and harmony. I pray that the future of this nation would be a glorious one, one that we would be proud with, and manifestation of the Holy Spirit will continue to take place, and more souls be saved and healed. Let there be passion in the people's heart LORD, and we love, we could conquer all darkness and evil. In Jesus Name' AMEN!
Scriptures:
[Numbers 6:25]
the LORD make his face shine upon you
and be gracious to you;
[Isaiah 62:1-4]
For Zion's sake I will not keep silent,
for Jerusalem's sake I will not remain quiet,
till her righteousness shies out like the dawn,
her salvation like a blazing torch.
The nations will see your righteousness,
and all kings your glory;
you will be called by a new name
that the mouth of the LORD will bestow.
You will be a crown of splendor in the LORD's hand,
a royal diadem in the hand of your God.
No longer will they call you Deserted,
or name your land Desolate.
But you will be called Hephzibah,
and your land Beulah;
for the LORD will take delight in you,
and your land will be married.
Prayer Subjects:
1. Praise God for 52 years of independence, peace and harmony. May God's favour be continually upon us that we will continue to dwell in peace and safety
2. Pray that the future of this nation will be built upon justice, righteousness, fairness and integrity. O Lord, make the Church a blessing to this nation!
3. Uphold the national prayer rally tonight at FGA KL, for the speaker and God's presence to be manifested
Personals:
O man, I can't believe it's the last day of the 40 days of prayer for our nation. And tomorrow will be our Merdeka Day! I don't really fancy such celebration and had never been part of the events and activities, but I do acknowledge the fact that we've been an integrated nation for 52 years already and pray to God for His blessing to be poured out on this land that we would continue to enjoy peace and harmony. I pray that the future of this nation would be a glorious one, one that we would be proud with, and manifestation of the Holy Spirit will continue to take place, and more souls be saved and healed. Let there be passion in the people's heart LORD, and we love, we could conquer all darkness and evil. In Jesus Name' AMEN!
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